Creating Space After Failure
Creating Space After Failure
I’m a planner. I think way ahead and plan for worst-case scenarios. I time block my calendar. I subscribe and pay for multiple project management and organization tools. I designate certain days for certain projects. I consider a plan B and C if plan A doesn’t work out. I organize my desk before I start any work, and I shut the door to my home office so I cannot see the piling up laundry or housework that needs to be done which would distract me the entire time I try to finish any important task.
I am also a high D on the DISC assessment, which basically means, I get things done, quickly and efficiently. And then I typically add on more to-do’s with the spare time I’ve just created. One year ago, I was juggling two companies, multiple clients, I was traveling and speaking and attending conferences. I was networking, managing a team, selling, growing, meeting with consultants to figure out how to become the next female entrepreneur unicorn. I was destined to be on the cover of Forbes magazine, or so I thought.
Sometimes life throws you a curveball you were not able to plan for.
Just when I thought I had it all figured out, life happened. Not just one strike, but three. That’s how things like that happen, right? Bad things tend to happen in a cluster of threes. It’s just enough to knock you down and put you out for at least a few days. These three strikes started just as I was unpacking my bag in my beautiful, tropical villa in Bali for a female entrepreneur conference.
I received an international call from home, it was my lawyer. “Your client is suing you,” he said. After calming me down and talking through options, he joked, “Welcome to the big leagues. You aren’t really in business until you experience litigation.”
I hung up and scrambled through my laptop to review the client contract, past emails, and gather evidence. The back and forth with lawyers would continue for several months, drawing my focus away from the continued growth of the business. Shortly after, our largest client lost their biggest source of revenue, and marketing was the first to go. And shortly after that, a bomb dropped on our family knocking me out from under my feet for good. I had been traveling and trying to continue the launch of a new startup alongside my current marketing business, and now trying to face three large moving trains head-on.
I had heard about this thing called “burnout.”
I was exhausted. I didn’t have much left in the way of energy. My plan B fell through, and so did plan C. I was stressed and afraid and forced to take a break, forced to create space. In addition to my energy tank running on fumes, so was our cash flow. I had to make hard decisions. I canceled my downtown office lease, ceased work with most of our contracting team, stopped all travel, canceled our launch tour, and tasked my project manager with taking over my email and finishing current projects so I could deal with my actual life, the one outside of the hustle, grind, climb to the top of the startup mountain.
I took three months to grieve, sleep, clear my head, reprioritize. At the end of this hibernation, I created a new plan, one that included balance, personal time, a more manageable schedule, and less responsibility. I scaled back as much as professionally possible. I canceled all unnecessary Softwares and sent contracts the old-fashioned way, just a regular pdf in an email attachment. I took on only 2 clients at a time and eliminated any services that required a larger team. What could I accomplish alone, in my home office, with the bare minimum, with my own ideas?
Life had created space for me.
In the last few months, I have had friends, family, and colleagues comment that they were glad to see I was actually human and not a robot, that they wondered how long I would be able to sustain the pace I was moving at previously. I redefined success and I realized what I needed and what I didn’t need. Most importantly, I started taking care of myself and my family.
My mother came over to help me recreate a creative workspace in my house. She sorted my filing cabinets and cleaned out my spare bedroom closet. We bought bins and boxes to organize supplies and portfolio collateral. We threw away the stacks of magazines and old business cards.
I had time to work with a therapist and a coach to get more aligned and plan the next steps for my whole self, not just the entrepreneurial side of me. I have my top 5 core values printed out and pasted on the wall right next to my computer, so I can glance at them daily and check myself. “Does this feel aligned? Does this challenge you and provide an impact?”
Space has truly “sparked joy.”
Space doesn’t always mean the physical space around you. Oftentimes, space can refer to the clutter in your mind, the healing of your heart, and the open slots in your calendar for family time, a walk outside, or reading a good book. Instead of filling my time and my day with to-do lists and tasks, I am focusing on what actually fulfills me. Instead of targeting the clients with the biggest budgets, I am working with those that align with my personal values.
I am actually paying myself more than I was previously. I have cut all business expenses more than 75% and I make time every day to sit outside with my rescue dogs and soak in the vitamin d of the sunshine peeking through the trees in our backyard. I have conversations with friends and family that don’t consist of politics or small business. I have embraced a new journey.
I am now expecting a little boy in August. My husband and I have talked about the perfect time for to start a family for the last 7 years. Until now, there was no time, no space. I never took the time to actually sit in a cocoon for a long enough period of time to allow my mind, heart, and body to create a life. Things will look a little different, and we will have to adjust and create space in new ways once little dude is here, but I think we are far more prepared now. There is space for love and patience and partnership. There is space for rest before the baby gets here, and there is space for a break from work to recover from childbirth in August and September, which I am incredibly grateful for.
You may not feel like you need to create space right now. You might be in the creative zone and working harder than ever, but the reality is that we are all experiencing space in a different way right now. We all have fewer distractions and more time to focus on each other and ourselves and what we really need. Life has created space for everyone right now. This pandemic has forced us all to take a break from the normal hustle and bustle. What can you use this isolated time for? I encourage you to take this time to reflect on what you really do want to fill your space with once this is all over. What has made you feel more fulfilled or rested or healthy during this time? How can you carry that into the future?
Jordan Lanceski, Storyteller
Author’s Bio:
Jordan Lacenski is a brand and strategy consultant. She formerly owned BrandBoss® Creative, a strategic branding firm focused on the foundational building of a company’s vision, mission, and values. She is currently the Co-Founder + Owner of SheWolf® Collaborative, a network and brand empowering women in every walk of life. Located in Greensboro, North Carolina, you can find her loving her neighborhood with her supportive spouse and two rescue pups.
